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Chapter 3: Face Your Fears

by Nov 16, 2020General3 comments

Let’s face it, everyone is on a constant roll coaster of improvement. There are career goals, self-improvement, life achievements, following your passion, and the dreaded New Year’s Eve resolutions. Everyone has a bucket list as thick as a dictionary; a laundry list of goals to hit; or a refrigerator plastered with Post-it notes of reminders.

We all have some work to do and it starts with facing your fears.

For me, I had a vision of sharing rustic recipes from around the world through my blog. It all came to a halt when my mom passed away. It left a void in me that nothing could fill. I lost the urge to cook, I lost my ability to taste, and worse of all, I just shut down.

I was scared I had lost my biggest passion: cooking.

Back Story

In 2013, my mother received a diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer. She was the most caring and generous person I knew. More than that, she was the person I always aspired to be.

She was also the person who started me on my journey of cooking. In our house, we wouldn’t be done with one meal before she asked us what we wanted for the next. I spent countless hours in the kitchen with her.

Sometimes she would get after me for not doing something correctly, and it was years before she trusted me to do other things at all.

Her diagnosis felt especially unfair because she never indulged in alcohol, cigarettes, or any harmful substances. I had done those things. I was a smoker for 20 years, the one who drank without restraint, the one leading an unhealthy life. It should have been me, not her. I would’ve traded places in a heartbeat, but that wasn’t a choice I could make.

I miss my mom often and wish she was here to yell at me for how I’ve been rolling spring rolls lately.

On June 8th, 2014, she passed away. It was the single most heart-wrenching day of my life. One that I have never recovered from.
In 2015, I made the choice to get laid off intentionally, sell the condo I shared with my now ex-wife, bid farewell to the States, and embark on world travel. It’s surprising to think that year turned out to be both the most stressful and liberating time off I’ve ever taken.

I discovered my stress limits, learned how much I could mentally withstand to keep moving forward and experienced life without a set agenda.

Another big part of this journey was learning about authentic foods by talking to local cooks and volunteering in kitchens. Getting experience and generational knowledge from various cultures has been invaluable to my approach to cooking.

By October 2017, I had left an unhappy marriage where I felt out of place and lost. That year was particularly challenging because I made unconventional living choices to save money, and dealt with a lot of resentment and anger built up from over the years.

With the marriage being over, and everything else I had gone through, I felt a strong pull to start over, or as they say, start a new chapter, tabular rasa… reboot… Minh 2.0… You get the idea.

bonfire in Spain volunteer

Finding My Passion Again

Knowing I was doing this didn’t make it stop. What finally turned me around was something I didn’t expect or think I needed: Someone who emotionally supported my passion. My ex-wife had always belittled my ideas and negated my efforts like I was wasting my time. I didn’t know how much her negativity had influenced me until I met my wife, Becky.

Before meeting Becky, I believed my success was entirely up to me. That I should be able to create top-notch content without any help, without any support, and if I failed, it was my fault. Now I know having someone special believe in me can be the difference between my perfectionism holding me back and trusting myself to put my content out there anyway.

Sometimes her reminders are simple. “It’s okay to fail.” “You don’t have to be perfect every time.” But that’s all I need to hear.

My passion for cooking feels alive again. Along with a brand new blog, I’m working on a Vietnamese cookbook dedicated to my mom.

I invite you to follow me on my journey by subscribing to my blog and following me on TikTok.

Cooking in Tuscany with Chicca
Just for fun. Here are a couple of lessons I’ve learned when rushing through a recipe.

  1. Using an expensive bottle of wine as a rolling pin doesn’t clean very easily, so you’ll have to drink it. Not really a fail but more of an FYI.
  2. Not all mesh colanders/strainers are made of metal. I found this out the hard way while making Fried Crispy Shallots.
  3. When making stocks or broths and the recipe says strain it, it means into another pot NOT put a strainer over the sink and strain what you have been simmering for hours on end. Doh!
rolling dough with expensive wine
rolling dough with expensive wine
Melting a colander with hot oil